We all think we can read people. That familiar gut feeling when meeting someone new – the instant like or dislike, trust or suspicion. But our instincts can play tricks on us.

Think back to that coworker who seemed standoffish at first glance. The one you avoided at lunch breaks, convinced they didn’t like you. Then one day, you discovered their quiet demeanor masked a battle with social anxiety. Their apparent coldness was really just fear.

Our brains are pattern-matching machines, constantly drawing conclusions from tiny details. A firm handshake, a fleeting smile, the way someone treats the barista – we weave these threads into entire character assessments in minutes.

Sometimes we’re right.

Often we’re wrong.

During an engineering interview, I once strongly disliked a candidate. His responses felt rehearsed, almost robotic, and he struggled with eye contact. But instead of just trusting my gut, I wondered if I might be the problem.

Was my direct style making him nervous?

I asked my colleagues to conduct another round without me. In their interviews, he shined – showing deep technical knowledge and genuine enthusiasm. Three years later, he’s one of our most innovative engineers and a patient mentor to juniors. Sometimes the best view of someone’s character comes when we step aside and acknowledge our own impact on the situation.

The truth is, people are layer cakes of complexity.

We’re all icebergs, showing only our tips to the world.

So yes, trust your instincts – they evolved to protect us. But hold those judgments lightly. Make space for people to surprise you. The best judges of character aren’t those who make the quickest assessments, but those who remain open to being wonderfully wrong.

Watch for context before character. Just like a photo can look vastly different depending on its lighting, people behave differently under various pressures.

Notice your own state of mind. We tend to project our moods onto others. If you’re stressed or anxious, you’re more likely to read hostility or incompetence in neutral behaviors. Take a moment to check your own emotional weather before making judgments about others.

Pay attention to patterns, not moments. Everyone has bad days, awkward interactions, or moments of weakness.

What matters more is how people behave over time.

Does your teammate consistently follow through on commitments?

Does your friend regularly show up when you need support? These patterns tell you more about character than any single interaction.

Listen more than you watch. While body language can offer clues, the content of what people say – their ideas, values, and how they talk about others – often reveals more about their character than their nonverbal cues.

Pay special attention to how they speak about people who can’t benefit them.

Most importantly, stay curious. When someone surprises you – whether positively or negatively – get interested rather than defensive. Ask questions. Seek to understand. The most fascinating aspects of people’s characters often lie in the stories behind their unexpected behaviors.

Remember that being a good judge of character isn’t about being right in your first assessment. It’s about being willing to revise your judgments as you gather new information.