My #1 priority for tomorrow? Ha! As if I ever have just one. But if I had to pick, it’s wrestling this godforsaken REM Cycle Simulator into submission. Again.

Tomorrow night, I’ll be perched on my ergonomic chair, staring at a screen full of code that looks like it was written by a caffeinated squirrel.

Why? Because it basically was.

Five years ago, a bunch of interns cobbled together this nightmare of a program, and now it’s my job to keep it running.

Ever wake up from a dream where you’re flying one second and then suddenly you’re back in your third-grade classroom? Yeah, that’s probably because the transition matrix in our simulator is glitching.

Again.

And guess who gets to fix it?

Yours truly.

My boss, in all his infinite wisdom, keeps shooting down my requests to rewrite this digital disaster. “Not a priority,” he says. Easy for him to say when he’s not the one getting frantic midnight calls about mass sleep paralysis incidents.

So here’s my plan for tomorrow: I’m going rogue.

While everyone thinks I’m just doing routine maintenance, I’m going to start my own little rewrite project. A subroutine here, a function there. Baby steps, you know?

By this time next month, I’ll have quietly replaced half the spaghetti code with something that actually makes sense. And if anyone notices that suddenly people are reporting more flying dreams and fewer showing-up-naked-to-work nightmares? Well, I’ll just chalk it up to a “positive adjustment in the collective unconscious.”

Just remember, next time you have that perfect dream where everything goes right, that’s not luck. That’s me, your friendly neighborhood Dream Technician, working a little off-the-books magic. 

Sweet dreams, everyone. I’ll be here, rewriting reality one line of code at a time.

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